Write across ages

The thing I want to say has no words
So I'm just going to write across ages speaking around the thing
As if it could even be called a thing
Enduring endless uncertainty
Being in this moment
Coming to this moment

* so delicate *

Dodging and weaving
These thoughts
Promoting doubt, fear, and despair
" But what about this . . . "
" If it was more like . . . I would be better off "
Does this stream end at, here ?
Does this bring me to now ?

:
:

Planning for the future

* so delicate *

Justification
Defense
" I need to plan for the future "
" Or I will have no future "

Taking me away from now

Option z)
trust

That by releasing the future
It is assured
I am taken care of

Because what is assurance anyway ?
A begging for mercy ?
A needing comfort ?
A fear of being out of control ?

Can I be out of control
At the mercy of a whimsical force
?

Do I fear to have my control killed ?
What happens if I let go . . .

:
:
:

Down I go

Or up
I suppose